My Fair Seras
by drowsyfantasy
Summary: Based on My Fair Lady.
1. Chapter One

Note: I do not own My Fair Lady or Hellsing. But I've had this idea for a long time, and finally decided to write it up. Just a tweak to the original story — Seras (Eliza) is taken under Alucard (Prof. Higgins)'s wing to become a 'proper vampire', aided sometimes by Walter (Col. Pickering). Seeking such a fine young lady, Pip (Freddy) falls in love with her. Overseeing it all is the sceptical eye of Sir Integral, whom here is not given an original role. (When offered, she politely declined, saying it was better that she not participate in such a farce. However, Alucard was so pleased at the whole idea that he exploded, leaving entrails all over the walls.) They are also joined by the various members of Iscariot and Millennium as extras. Try and spot all of the song references!

* * *

My Fair Seras

Walter and Alucard were walking down the halls of the Hellsing mansion. Well, Alucard was not so much walking as floating. Walter, on the other hand, had to walk.

"Well?"

"Well what?" asked Alucard.

"Well, how is the…err…Miss Victoria's training coming?" asked Walter casually.

"Not very well." said Alucard sarcastically. "She still doesn't want to drink blood."

"Very irresponsible of her." Walter said lightly. "She really doesn't know how her biology works, does she?"

"Oh, why can't the vampire learn to drink?" Alucard said wistfully. "I wouldn't have to wait around for her all the time if she'd just do as she was told." he growled.

Just then, Seras came around the corner and bumped smack into Walter. She tripped, fell backwards and bumped her head.

"Ouch!" she said, rubbing the back of her scalp. Walter looked at Alucard. Alucard looked at Walter. Alucard's face split into a rather nasty grin.

"All right, Police Girl, we're going to try a little experiment. We need to see how you'd do as a real vampire. But Walter here," here he gestured at Walter, "thinks you can't do it. Neither does Sir Integral. But we'll make you a true Nosferatu yet."

"Um." said Seras nervously. "Will this involve large quantities of blood?"

"Just little ones at first." Alucard held up two fingers in a tiny fraction. "We'll start small. That'll be easier. Just try it."

Seras sighed softly. "Oh, sure. Oh, wouldn't it be lovely if I could do all that?"

"Oh, I have every confidence in you!" Alucard said über-cheerfully.

Seras sighed heavily. "That's what I'm afraid of."

* * *

The game is afoot! What will happen next? 


	2. Chapter Two

Note: I do not own My Fair Lady or Hellsing. See first chapter for character notes. Try and spot all of the song references!

* * *

My Fair Seras  
Chapter Two

"So," said Alucard about a week later. "Let's begin."

There was a small blood bag sitting on the table. "Just one sip, then. One at a time, until you feel more comfortable."

Seras just sat there and stared at the bag.

"Oh, come on, just one little drink." Alucard wheedled. "Like this." he punctured the bag with one fang and took a tiny sip. "See, it's easy!" he thrust the bag in her direction. "Now you!"

Seras took the bag but didn't really do anything with it. "I can't."

"Oh, I'm an ordinary vampire, and I drink blood." Alucard said. "It's not that hard. Just pretend it's not blood, I guess…"

* * *

It was a long time later, and Seras was dismissed, having made no further progress. Walter came to see Alucard, who was sitting on the table, finishing off the blood bag.

"Well?" said Walter eagerly. "How did it go?"

"With a little bit of luck she'll be drinking by, oh, let's say…" Alucard said sarcastically, "her fiftieth birthday?"

"Oh, come now." Walter chided. "Surely she's not that difficult?"

Alucard just gave him a look. Walter nodded wisely. "But don't worry. Eventually she'll come to her senses. Just you wait."

"Just wait, huh?" Alucard said. "Oh, I can wait. I can wait a long time."

It wasn't that long, however, before it came time to feed Seras again. She sat at the table as Alucard ghosted through the wall.  
"Oh, come on Police Girl." he said. "Just try it. This once. For me."

She put on a brave face. Lifting the bag, she cut it a little bit and got one drop on her tongue.

"There." she made a face.

"Now, look. That didn't kill you, I'll bet it even tasted good."

She shrugged.

"Try some more."

She picked up the bag again and this time actually took a sip. It didn't taste awful, but it still just tasted like the time she'd cut her lip and she'd tasted some. Just copper and tang.

"See?" Alucard cooed. "Not bad at all."

Seras began to drink again. Although it tasted no different, it made her feel better, stronger. Soon she had drained the bag. Alucard was absolutely elated.

"Yes, yes, yes!" he waved his hands about. "That's what I mean! Oh, the Master's not going to believe this!" he floated glowingly through the ceiling to go tell her.

Seras, still sitting at the table, giggled slightly at her master's reaction.

"Oh, I could have drank all night!" she laughed to the empty room.

* * *

Tune in again! 


	3. Chapter Three

Note: I do not own My Fair Lady or Hellsing. See first chapter for character notes. Try and spot all of the song references! Some characters OOC.

My Fair Seras  
Chapter Three

Seras nearly floated down the hallway. She looked good, she felt even better. Drinking blood really did do wonders for your health, she thought. Although she still didn't feel quite up to drinking an entire bag a night, she was definitely improving.

Pip passed her on his way down the hall. She said a cheery, "Hi!" and kept going. Pip, however, stopped dead in his tracks. Seras looked amazing to him! His good eye followed her down the hallway. When she was out of sight, he whistled lowly and made a mental note to walk down by the hall on the floor where she lived.

"You did it!" said Walter, cheerily clinking his glass of wine against Alucard's blood.

"I did indeed!" grinned Alucard, sipping the blood daintily. "And just think! In a few short weeks she'll be drinking entire quarts per day! Or more!"

"Here's to progress."

"Cheers."

Pip had finally worked up the courage to talk to Seras frankly. Well, the bourbon definitely helped.

"So, Seras. I've noticed you've been looking really gorgeous lately, how about spending some time…together?" he hiccoughed.

Seras smiled weakly. "Um, are you hitting on me?"

Pip winked with his good eye. "Yup."

"Well," said Seras, warily, "are you drunk?"  
"Yeah, but that's not the point." Pip hiccoughed. "I really like you, y'know!" he smiled lopsidedly.

"Show me." she said earnestly. "If you're in love, show me!"

To Be Continued…


	4. Chapter Four

Note: I do not own My Fair Lady or Hellsing. See first chapter for character notes. Try and spot all of the song references! Some characters OOC.

My Fair Seras

Chapter Four

Walter knocked politely on the door to Alucard's chambers before opening it.

The vampire sat slouching in a chair, grumbling under his breath.

"With Pip? With _PIP _for God's sake?" Alucard said between gritted teeth. Walter lifted an eyebrow and set the bucket of ice and blood bags down on the table gently.

"Something troubling you?"

"The Police Girl is with that Frenchman." Alucard hissed. "I can't believe that after all I've done for her she turns to HIM!" he slammed his palm down on the table. "It isn't fair, I tell you!"

"What's not fair?" said a haughty voice from the door. "I'll tell you what's not fair! Expecting me to do everything you want! Expecting me to drink blood all the time! Trying to make me into a 'proper vampire', whatever that may be." Seras stormed in angrily. "You used to make me think the world wouldn't turn if you didn't say so. Now I know that I don't need you! I'll get along fine without you." she turned away and stalked out. "I'll be with Pip."

Walter watched her leave. "Well, I'll be…"

Alucard grumbled. "And the worst bit is, I can't seem to think about anything but her. It seems I've grown accustomed to her face."

"Well, she is quite the lady now." Walter said cautiously as he shrugged. "Maybe it's time to let her go."

Alucard sighed and dug into a blood bag. "Maybe you're right, Walter. If she asks, and I know she will, I'll free her. It seems fitting."

Walter nodded slightly and took the remaining bucket back with him outside.

Seras walked along the hallway. She was supposed to meet Pip for an evening walk, but after that rant at her 'Master', she didn't feel right. She realised that she really didn't want to be with Pip after all. She didn't love him, she was just being spiteful towards Alucard…

She found her feet taking her back towards Alucard's dungeon chambers. She paused slightly at the door, peeking inwards. He was sitting on his chair, reading what appeared to be a newspaper.

She cleared her throat.

He looked up, but not in her direction. She could see him smile slightly as he figured out what was going on, both inside and outside her head.

He lay the newspaper over his eyes, and simply said in a triumphantly sarcastic tone, "Police Girl, where the devil is my hat?"

The END!

Cues taken from liner notes of "_My Fair Lady: Original London Cast Recording_", 1959.


End file.
